AARDVARK
No
Aardvarks were harmed in
the preparation of this Website
The Horizontal Laidback
Guide
to
Impersonating a Theosophist
Being a Theosophist can
bring excellent
Spiritual and Karmic
benefits
Impersonating a
Theosophist will
do
you absolutely no good at all.
So why not try it
Here’s how
For a start, impersonating a Theosophist is
much easier to do if you never meet any Theosophists. You can just pick up a
few ideas from the internet and try to impress civilians at parties and bus
stops. You won’t pull at the parties but you should get a seat on the bus to
yourself.
The purpose of this Website site is however
to enable you to hold your own as a credible Theosophist at such events as a
Theosophical Gathering, Disco, Singles Holiday or Darts Match.
Be warned that some people who start out
impersonating Theosophists actually become Theosophists and this is
irreversible.
Don’t know anything about Theosophy?
If you don’t know anything about Theosophy,
you’ll find that this site builds you up to it gradually and there is some real
Theosophy further down the page (A lot further down the page)
If you’re in a hurry to know something
about Theosophy and don’t want to wait that long then click here to go to
Cultural Affectations and
Small Talk
It is quite possible to be a
Theosophist without any social skills whatsoever,
so
you can skip this bit and go on to the bit about
The Background to Theosophy and the Movement
but
if you do that you’ll miss the bit about Elvis
Talking about your diet
(This is the “what you eat” diet
not the “starving yourself to
death” diet)
You don’t actually need to talk about
anything but if you do, you will find that so much, in fact nearly everything,
is negotiable.
Desperate Dan’s Legendary
Diet is unchanged since 1938
but
he could still become a Theosophist if he agrees with the
Three Objects of the Society
(Listed farther down
the page)
Theosophy doesn’t require you to be a
vegetarian or even to have any opinion on the subject at all but it does help
to say that you think vegetarianism is a good idea even if you can’t manage it
yourself.
There’s no need to adopt Dietary Fascism
i.e. Supporters of the Health Nazi; Sir Oswald Muesli – Sieg Health! Sieg
Health! They don’t live any longer, it just seems like it.
Actually, what we call Healthy Eating only
goes back about 30 years and some experts are now saying that there are Healthy
Eating related diseases. You just can’t win.
If you aren’t a vegetarian you can just
say;
“I think I’m just not destined to be a
vegetarian in this life”
“I was vegetarian for two years but it
didn’t agree with me”
Nothing
Or
Why not become Vegetarian. There’s never
been a better time.
Of course, apart from psychic Theosophists,
nobody will know if you go straight home and eat steak pudding and chips twice
anyway.
On a more serious note, traditional
Theosophists maintain that we should not eat our fellow creatures.
Vegetarianism in the Light of Theosophy
by Annie Besant
Provides a detailed account of the
Theosophical Rationale for vegetarianism but Annie Besant still leaves the
matter to personal choice
Cook
an Egg with Your Mobile Phone
Dark Chocolate
Can Lower Your Blood Pressure
& Unfortunately, you
only need a very small amount
If you are interested in food for healing
What to wear
Marlon
Brando as Johnny Strabler,
leader of the rebellious
biker gang the “Black Rebels” in “The Wild
One” 1953
The
film (banned in
in a Californian town and is based on a
real event that happened in 1947.
Men – Anything except a power suit or a
wide lapelled loud checked sports jacket with a kipper tie unless you are doing
a stand up comedy routine at the Christmas party.
A recent straw poll of women Theosophists
has revealed that men who dress like Marlon Brando in
“The Wild One”
are always in demand at Theosophical Discos.
A further poll of the ladies also revealed
that if you look like Marlon Brando in “The Wild
One”, that’s even better.
Women – Anything but preferably Black
Leather. It is however essential not to look like
Camilla Parker Bowles. If you do look like Camilla Parker Bowles you will be
complemented on this and you will immediately book a hair appointment.
What to Drive
Here’s another 1950s classic that will
always impress
The Jowett Javelin
In production from 1948 to 1954
Top speed of 82.4 mph, acceleration from 0-60 mph in 20.9
seconds.
Fuel consumption of 29.1 miles per gallon
In 1953 one would cost you £1207 including purchase tax
Now considered a Classic Car and in line with
the Cyclic Nature of
Evolution on an upward spiral, Chrysler have adopted this styling.
If you don’t drive a Jowett
Javelin now, then claim that you once did or that your dad drove one. A Phase I
or II Standard Vanguard is a good alternative.
(This hasn’t anything to do with Theosophy, the author of this website just likes pictures of
1950s cars)
Cycling is cheaper and most Theosophical
Groups will have somewhere safe for you to put your bike during the meeting.
Smoking
No Way – but if you are over 80 then you
can admit to smoking a pipe – this goes for women as well but women should take
more care over the choice of pipe tobacco.
Be in favour of the current smoking ban in
pubs even if you haven’t been in a pub for 20 years and at the same time
grumble about people smoking outside pubs in the street, and the cloud of Lung
Cancer that greets you one hundred yards down the road.
Money Saving Tip
Some pubs now have more people outside
smoking than inside drinking. Walking the length of your local high street on a
Friday or Saturday evening can now be equivalent to smoking 40 Woodbine, which
is good value.
The
Founder of Modern Theosophy
H P Blavatsky was a legendary smoker but
she was H P Blavatsky and smoking wasn’t bad for you in her day. An
exaggeration factor may have crept in here but she is reported to have smoked
200 cigarettes a day. She didn’t drink alcohol so the smoking in pubs ban
wouldn’t have affected her.
Beards
Co- Founder of the Theosophical Society
If you are going to grow a
beard then do it properly
Men – There has been a fashion for white
ones like Colonel Olcott’s but you rarely see one up
to his standard. Beards were beards in those days. Colonel Olcott could make a
fortune from sponsorship by Grecian 2000 if he came back today.
Women – Optional
Relationships
Theosophy doesn’t stop you having these
with anyone you want to.
Cycling is cheaper
Finding Money
If you see a coin on the pavement you
should always pick it up, whatever your financial circumstances.
Theosophical opinion is divided on why you
should do this but the two main reasons are;
1) The Universe is giving you free money
and if you don’t take it, the Universe will assume that you don’t need it and
won’t give you any more.
Or
2) When you find a coin it means that the
Angels are watching over you and you should acknowledge this by picking it up.
Dancing
Younger
Theosophists boogeying to a
Marilyn Manson
Track at the Christmas Party.
(It
looks like a punch up)
No Theosophist can dance. If a Theosophist
goes on the dance floor, somebody calls an ambulance. If you can dance
then make sure that your performance on the dance floor will get you a war
pension.
On the other hand Air Guitar Playing is a
Theosophical speciality and you should practice this
at home. Bill and Ted are heroic figures in the Theosophical Movement.
Bill
and Ted
(William S. Preston Esq & Ted Theodore Logan)
on their Excellent Adventure
This Science Fiction film
produced the two most Triumphant Theosophical Slogans of all time;
Party On Dudes!
Be Excellent to Each Other!
If you don’t know what Air Guitar Playing
is then you can either watch Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
or ask an established Theosophist to demonstrate it (preferably to a Metallica album).
Please note that the Theosophical Movement
does not discriminate against left handed Air Guitar Players. Most left handers play a right handed Air Guitar turned over with the
strings reversed.
Remember, the clock in
A North Wales Rock Chick is studying
for
a doctorate on the air guitar.
Elvis Presley was interested in Theosophy
and you should find out as much as you can about this.
It is reported that several definitive
Theosophical texts were included in a personal library that Elvis took on tour.
Music
If you are not interested in Heavy Metal,
Rock ‘n Roll
or Elvis
then don’t bother with this one.
Appreciation of Heavy Metal requires at
least 3 previous incarnations of serious inner work as an absolute basic. You
can only impersonate a Heavy Metaller if you were in
the First World War in a past life.
In the fields, The Bodies burning
As the War Machine keeps turning
If you are thinking of impersonating a
Heavy Metaller be warned that some Rock Clubs play a Status Quo
track early in the evening and anyone seen tapping their feet is thrown out.
The Feelgood Theosophy Website is of course named after the
Football
Not a Theosophical subject but some
Theosophists do play or have played Football. Football analogies of
Theosophical concepts go down very well even with people who’ve never been to a
Football match.
Rivelino
A
hero of the 1970 Brazilian World Cup winning side
Theosophy is very popular in Brazil
For our Brazilian readers
Sociedade Teosofica no Brazil
Mr. Ricardo Lindemann
Sociedade Teosofica no
No. 20, CEP 70200-630
Brasilia (DF),
e-mail: teosofia@stb.org.br
http://www.sociedadeteosofica.org.br/
Television
Just
think what H P Blavatsky could do if she
came back today and had her own TV show
Awesome
Theosophists watch loads of Television but
don’t like to admit just how much they watch. Theosophists also tend to be up
to speed on the digital revolution so it is always good form to mention the
name of an obscure digital channel even if you don’t watch it.
If you have a Black & White Television,
nobody will believe you including the Television Licensing
people.
Did you Know ?
Colour Television was demonstrated at the Earls Court Ideal Home Exhibition in 1949 but it would have been cheaper to go to the moon than buy one and there were no colour programmes on until 1967 anyway.
Is There a Blavatsky Channel? – Not Yet!
Cinema
Nosferatu the Vampyre
Directed by Werner Herzog
Klaus Kinski as Count Dracula in Nosferatu, Phantom der Nacht
(The
Undead, Phantom of the Night) carrying Isabelle Adjani
A
1979 German re-make of 1922 classic
Theosophists like going to the cinema just
as much as they like television and this is a subject they like to talk about.
Alternative Cinema is also very popular with Theosophists.
The cars in the picture are a
Riley Elf, parked by the building and a
Morris Minor 1000, parked by
the lamp post, which are also design classics.
The film showing is The Aristocats.
Nights Out
Even if they have been clubbing until 4
that morning, Theosophists prefer to claim that they haven’t had a night out
since 1962.
Karaoke
Similar to the dancing.
Make a complete hash of it even if you are good.
If you find a Heavy Metal Karaoke then
please tell Theosophists about it as it would be a good opportunity to do a bit
of Air Guitar Playing.
Alcohol
Theosophy doesn’t require you to avoid
alcohol although the writings of Annie Besant give some dire warnings
and no Theosophical gatherings allow it. Theosophists who do drink tend not to
do so in the presence of other Theosophists probably because they don’t like
getting their round in.
People who come to Theosophical meetings
and can’t say Theosophical are normally drunk.
Change
The
1957 Morris Isis
A
Great Car for 1957
Repeated manifestation
without progress is pointless
Embrace change and welcome it. Keeping everything the same means making a stand against the
natural order of things. Our
whole existence is founded on change and Theosophy calls this The Law of Periodicity or Process of Constant Renewal
Past Lives
Mentioning something that happened to you
in a past life is always a good conversation topic but keep quiet about it if
you were King Arthur.
“Reincarnationist goes into a
Pub”
This joke could
just possibly be
Opening Chat-Up Lines
Theosophists pride themselves on not having
any of these and tend to rely on body posture, luck and Karma. It is surprising
how well this works (not).
Paying your utility bills by direct debit
gives you an automatic conversation opener but please try not to wear it out.
If you don’t pay your utility bills by
direct debit, please click here for the UK Shipping Forecast
Map
Jokes
The “Reincarnationist goes into a Pub” joke is traditionally never
told by Theosophists as it is too long, has a very weak punchline
and isn’t funny.
As a Theosophist, your life will be made a
lot simpler by only needing to remember one joke and this is it;
Question:- What do
you call a Scottish tree in the middle of
Answer:- macabre
It is always quite safe to tell this joke
as nobody has ever been known to have died laughing at it and unlike the
“Hitler goes into a pub” joke, you won’t damage any furniture.
Illegal Substances
Theosophists don’t bother with these and
don’t need them anyway but have extensive knowledge of the damage they do to
our subtle bodies (Those extra ones we can’t see).
For
those of you not old enough to remember, The Young Ones
was a sitcom in the 1980s in which Neil
portrayed a sad guy
completely wrecked by the 1960s. The 60s was when
George Best
was Prime Minister and Harold Wilson was
playing football.
I
bet you’re glad you’re not old enough to remember.
Neil from the Young Ones (Nigel Planer) can
be cited as an example of the sort of damage you can do with illegal
substances, if you work at it.
1947
If Einstein was right, everything that has happened, is happening now and will happen in the future,
all happens at once. Modern science has come up with a neat term for this,
calling it the Block Universe.
This idea plus the negotiable nature of the
Space-Time Continuum has given us three ways of dealing with 1947.
1) Those who think that the world began in
1947 and everything that claims to pre-date 1947 was put there to fool us and
that anyone claiming to have been around before 1947 is part of the conspiracy
(This position is quite tenable even if you have the History Channel). It is
surprising how many people claim to be part of the conspiracy.
2) Those who think it is still 1947 and
cannot understand this website. (They’re not the only ones)
3) Those who think that 1947 was just
another year and that there have been years since and there will be more years
in the future.
Caution – Only decide to think it is still
1947 if you are too old to do National Service.
If you think it is still 1947, why are you
on surfing the internet?
To be honest, the author of this website
has never met anyone in the first group.
There’s a lot of speculation
about the nature of
the
Space-Time Continuum, but it’s still time
and
it’s still a continuum
Gossip
There is incredible gossip in Theosophical
circles but it is always about people who haven’t been seen for at least 5
years.
If you want a laugh why not disappear for
five years and then turn up in disguise or sneak in before an event and
covertly record it. Don’t leave it thirty years though, everyone will have
forgotten what you did.
The Tape Recorder Saga of 1956
Talks and Lectures
It is better to avoid doing these on
Theosophical subjects if you are just impersonating a Theosophist. Of course
you may want to give a talk on something else.
Always see how many Clash song titles you
can slip into a talk without anyone noticing.
Becoming a Member
The Theosophical Movement consists of many
diverse organisations promoting Theosophy. Some
comprise of large networks of groups with a central headquarters and some are
stand alone independent centres. Anyone can start a Theosophy
Group (or even do a Theosophy Website) and you may even be starting your own
right now.
Theosophy
Cardiff is affiliated to the Theosophical Society
which has its International Headquarters in
Within the British Isles, the
Adyar Theosophical Society has Groups in;
Bangor*Basingstoke*Billericay*Birmingham*Blackburn*Bolton*Bournemouth
Bradford*Bristol*Camberley*Cardiff*Chester*Conwy*Coventry*Dundee*Edinburgh
Folkstone*Glasgow*Grimsby*Inverness*Isle
of Man*Lancaster*Leeds*Leicester
Letchworth*London*Manchester*Merseyside*Middlesborough*Newcastle upon Tyne
North Devon*Northampton*Northern
Ireland*Norwich*Nottingham
Perth*Republic of Ireland*Sidmouth*Southport*Sussex*Swansea*Torbay
Tunbridge Wells*Wallasey*Warrington*Wembley*Winchester*Worthing
The above
list would make a good itinerary for a cycling tour,
perhaps someone may one day undertake a grand cycling tour of British Theosophy
Centres.
Joining
a Theosophy Group is highly recommended
but is a decision to be taken in your own
time.
Becoming a card carrying member of a Theosophical Group
is a matter of personal choice, should be optional and you should be allowed to
make the decision in your own time. If you were ever to find a group that
bullies you into becoming a member then it is probably a dodgy outfit but if
you are only impersonating a Theosophist that might not bother you.
Some Theosophy Groups might
offer incentives to join
Some Theosophical Groups have press gangs
but this is only in coastal areas and big cities. You can always spot them
because they have big nets like the Truant Catcher out of the Beano.
Visit our Scambusters
page for a satirical look at some of the things that anyone on the spiritual
path should look out for.
This is for anyone on the Spiritual Path
Can you remember the Rise & Fall of 1976 ?
Dedicated membership of any Theosophical
Outfit could put your name in neon lights in the Akashic Records.
You will have made an imprint in time and your own time will not have been
wasted.
Remember;
Time should know you were
here
Irrespective of where they live on the
planet, Theosophists are expected to know something about Wales
General pages
about Wales, Welsh History
and The History of
Theosophy in Wales
Wales is a
Principality within the United Kingdom
and has an eastern
border with England.
The land area is
just over 8,000 square miles.
Snowdon in North Wales is
the highest mountain at 3,650 feet.
The coastline is
almost 750 miles long.
The population of
Wales as at the
You can also visit
The
Cardiff Theosophical Society Website
&
The
National Wales Theosophy Website
Mrs Trellis of North Wales Her letters always get enormous
laughs.
